Re-visioning

For as long as I can remember I've done some kind of craft work. When I was little I loved to draw and paint. I used this as my main form of communication because I was virtually mute for the first 6 years of my life. I was so traumatized I rarely spoke. But a kind gentle teacher encouraged me to draw and read. It was through these activities that I found my voice. Most people who know me might find this surprising.

Lately, I've been going through a different kind of trauma. My self-confidence and esteem has been rocked from being long term unemployed. As of now I'm trying to find creative productive ways to deal with this. I have my moments. Early this week I thought I was going to lose my mind.

As I was writing this I realized that my craft work is something I rely on and do automatically to give me solace. Knitting, crocheting is a form of tactile kinetic meditation. It's very much like the walking meditation I do as part of my daily work out. This is so important too me but I want and need to take my creativity to another level.

I miss painting. Today, I looked at one of my old paintings and admired the contrast in texture and color on the surface of the campus. I had a momentary spark of inspiration and wondered Why? When am I going to start painting again?

Re-visioning creativity in new forms. Going back to another craft skill genre that I used to work with. Presently, because of my financial situation, lack of studio space and I have a huge yarn stash , I haven't been inspired to paint.

However, I'm working towards finding a way to create an environment where I can get back to painting. I think this will be an important step in my healing from this difficult time. I had a dream the other night. I could clearly see my former lover's face and feel his kiss on my mouth; his blue eyes shone brightly into my soul. But then I woke up! This was a sweet scene in a dream a moment in the past revisited.

Too me this is a metaphor that I can give myself the grace but continue on the path of healing.to realize and create something new.

My Crafting Sutra

So far, I've written a lot about how I feel art craft is healing. At this time in my life if I didn't have art craft I don't know what I would do. I'm going through a really difficult time and for the most part I'm going through this alone. I like solitude but not isolation. But as of late I have been isolated. It's as if because of my present circumstances I've been rendered untouchable. It's hit or miss with the friends. Everyone has their reasons and excuses. But in the end I'm left alone to deal with my circumstance. So if I didn't have my knitting needles and crochet hooks I don't know what I would do!

I find making a pair of gauntlets, cowl is so empowering and beading an amulet bag is serenely healing. There are so many wonderful patterns and yarns. Sometimes I go crazy I want to do them all!! I view my yarn, knitting needles, crochet hook and beads as my paintbrushes.

I used to paint and I miss it immensely, but living in a small carpeted apartment does not lend itself to painting large canvases. So as the years have gone by, I have more or less stopped painting and drawing. As with any other skill, I feel I would have to rebuild them with practice.
many have suggested that I get back to painting and I would like to. But I know I have to access a different artistic voice to get there.

In the meantime, it's been really nourishing to my sol to knit and crochet. Being able to do these two things has literally and figuratively saved my life. Loneliness and despair has really been haunting me art craft has kept me in the light.

One of my patron Goddesses is Saraswarti. She's a Hindu Goddess and two of her basic qualities are wisdom and beauty. In my art craft I always strife to incorporate wisdom with beauty. I like to make my own patterns or to re-translate others so that I can make a pleasing hand made item.

Art craft is meditation prayer to and from my soul. A way for me to commune with my artistic spirit so that I can receive the healing and comforting I need.

Balm of Gilead

Healing through art is a big thing for me. I've had a lot of pain in my life and one of my few measures of solace and joy comes from my art craft work.

Today I had a wonderful amazing experience. I have a new student in one of my knit classes. Like me, in the past year, she has gone through some monumental life changes. There had been three deaths in her immediate family and she changed her job. It just goes to show you that we never know who we will meet and what others have been or are going through.

But his woman amazes me. Although she's very young she has a maturity and grace that surpasses most people twice her age.

As I was teaching her how to knit we talked about her goals for the class. She told me that a lot of her friends are having babies and how she wants an affordable way to make presents for all of them. We decided on some toy and baby set projects. I have no doubt that her knitting skill will be up to par to accomplish these tasks.

Meeting and working with her today, made me happy and gave me the strength to continue to ploy along during this difficult time. Her inner grace blessed my heart and put it on the pathway to peace and healing. All while knitting on our # 8 knitting needles her thread mutli colored greens and mine red. Yes there's healing power in crafting.